I had a whole long post written and it disappeared into the ether so I’m just going to say that I lost my aunt over the weekend. I miss her already but I know she’s in a better place now. She lost her battle with cancer. Or maybe she finally won in the only way she could- she’s at peace now. Its the rest of us left behind who have lost someone dear to us but I like to think we’ve only lost contact for the time being. I know I’ll see her someday and that she and my other aunt and gramma are up there watching over us right now. I wish I had gotten a chance to say goodbye. I let fear hold me back. A good friend told me to ask her if she’d had a good life and I would like to believe the answer was yes. I know the part she played my life was good and I will miss her.

 Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.                                                                                                                                                                                         

          -Mary Frye 1932

Why yes yes I am! I just dropped by for a few minutes because I’ve been feeling guilty of neglecting you dear blog. I have had readers galore due to the mix up that comes about from a post titled “Michelin man costume?” but unfortunately none of them have stuck around because it wasn’t actually a Michelin man costume. (as I mentioned last time around)

I do have some pictures of my more finished Halloween costume tho and I’ll share a few of them. This is photography stuff so they’re posed and I have some of the J’s too due the fact that we all took a trip to the cemetery to take these pictures.

This shot is one of my favorites altho it was one of the worst to sit for- the top of that tombstone is not even close to level and it was hard on the butt.

This one of the girls really makes me smile. I was trying to get a shot where they looked like they were conspiring together and I think I managed just that. They were so great about dressing up to go take pictures on a very cold day.

This one really shows the whole costume which I like. The shawl conveniently was one I bought when we were living in Mexico a couple of years ago. I bought two for myself (they were 12 or 13 bucks) and one as a Christmas present for my stepmom and I have loved them ever since. They’re a nice thick warm fabric with a lovely crocheted edging and since I am the tomboy that I am I can grab them in a pinch when I don’t have a nice jacket to wear over something like this.

I can’t help but wonder tho what the people who saw me pumping gas in this outfit thought….

Okay so I’ll be honest. I’ve mostly disappeared from my blog due to Facebook. Strangely enough as Halloween (also known as my favorite holiday) draws nigh, I have had more and more visits to my very neglected blog. Sadly tho none of the visitors have stayed because what they were looking for I didn’t actually have to show. Namely I had no Michelin Man costumes. That’s right folks- the only reference to the Michelin man on this blog was actually aimed at my sister in law’s Renaissance Festival costume. Sorry to disappoint all of you but there it is.

I do have some pictures for you of random bits and bobs from the last month that I’ve been gone.This is my fireplace mantle in the main living room (our house has a double fireplace thats open on both sides witha  double living room as well) I added a streamer like you’d find at any party store that has been cut like paper dolls into the shape of bats. (not pictured are the red ones that look like blood dripping cut from red crepe paper streamers) The hanging skulls are from the dollar store and everything else lives on the mantle year round. The dolls are art dolls that I made a couple of years ago and the wine glasses came from a thrift store still in their original box. The picture is my mom’s original artwork. This small decoration makes me grin every time I see it.

I’ve been working on decorating our basement a little at a time for our Halloween party. I’d show you pictures but this blog posts to my facebook account and since I want it to be a surprise for as many guests as possible you’ll have to wait til afterwards.

 Jarell is still in Virginia and won’t be home in time for the party but at this point I’ll be happy if he makes it home for Thanksgiving because things have been going really bad for them out there. Its going to be rough waiting even that long for him to come home but the money is really needed after this summer with no work and when he gets home we hope he’ll have made enough to take the winter off which would be nice since he works outside in the cold.

This little church was a dollar store find as well. It was a paint your own Christmas village type of church that I mangled with a bead rasper and painted in spooky colors. Really simple  to do and a quick cute way to have some spookier decorations without spending 50 bucks a piece on the Halloween villages that they sell at Michael’s.

Oh dear its been almost a month! I keep thinking about posting and then I get sidetrack (Ooo whats that? A kitty?) Sorry about that folks. Knowing how you all depend on me for my daily dose of…. crazy or…. whatever it is you come here for when none of the good blogs have an new post to look at. So we’ll go over what I’ve been doing for the last month.

First I was getting ready for Jarell to go out of town and working on my Halloween costume.

Front and back shots

Its been quite a bit of fussy work which I absolutely love but now I’ve reached the point where I have to have a few items for decoration that I don’t want to buy yet so it has moved to the back burner. I have also started on a costume for Jarell this year- a new venture because I’ve never actually sewed anything wearable for him. How hard can it be tho right? (ha! famous last words)

Jarell left on the 15th for the West Virginia job so I’ve been trying to keep busy without tying up my phone line in case I get a chance to talk to him. Thats a big part of the reason for my absence from the computer- I take every chance I can get to talk to him because our conversations are about 5 minutes long at a time and he only has one day off a week. Some of you who’ve been around for a while will know that this is the third September in a row that he’s been gone and so maybe you’d think I’d have gotten used to it by now but in fact the opposite is true.

Each time he’s gone it gets harder and I have more days where I feel like I can’t get enough to breathe. The phantom pain of a missing limb haunts me at the strangest times- I roll over in bed at night after a particularly nasty dream and he’s not there  to comfort me. Or I go to call him at lunch time to see what he wants to eat and then remember he’s a thousand miles and a time zone away. Its not a lot of fun and I’m sure there are a lot of you out there who can understand what its like in one way or another.

We’re planning on having a Halloween party this year and so thats my other way to keep busy right now. Turning our basement into a haunted house or something resembling one with as little money spent as possible because its more fun that way- seeing what we can come up with from the random stuff we and my sister in law have collected over the years. It has the potential to be really cool because between J11 and myself we’ve managed to come up with quite a few low cost high impact ideas for absolutely disturbed and scary decorations. It helps that we’re working in an unfinished basement because whats creepier than the basement torture chamber right?

So other than all of that I have just been trying to keep busy as much as possible. Talking to a few friends from school through Facebook- dealing with some stuff from my past that I wish I’d known about back then. Trying to stay sane. Watching lots of movies and playing a few video games too. Just your average everyday ordinary life I guess.

And with that awkward segue I leave you to return to more interesting waters.

I’m not like ignoring you guys or anything, I’m just finding that I lack anything of interest to talk about.

Since deciding to sell my truck I’ve had only one person call about it and he wanted us to fix it before we sold it to him. Apparently the whole ’selling as is to get rid of it’ thing got lost in translation altho I’m not sure how honestly because thats what it said in the ad….

Jarell will be leaving roughly around the 14th to go to Virginia for a month or so. I will most likely be completely vehicleless during that time because his brothers are going to need our truck (which is technically a business truck) for a job over in Kansas. I can’t even begin to explain how ecstatic I am over that proposition right now- a whole month all by myself with absolutely no transportation? Yay me! I’m practically crying tears of joy….. or not

That added to the fact that Jarell will be gone just makes me really sad.

On a higher note Halloween is on its way coming faster than the speed of light so theres that to look forward to. I’m working on my costume here and there- procrastinating and puting off stuff that I need to do for my sister in law’s ren fest costume that needs to be finished by this weekend when the faire starts. If you’ve been around this blog for awhile then you know how much I enjoy Halloween. In fact by this time last year (give or take a few weeks) I was already getting started on decorations to keep me busy while Jarell went out of town to Oregon and the year before I was trying to keep busy while he was in Pennsylvania and Washington for almost 3 months. I’m getting pretty good at finding ways to keep busy while he’s gone but this time will be harder because I won’t be able to go anywhere. The idea has been tossed about that I might be able to drive my brother in law’s little Sunfire while he has our truck but I can’t help but shudder a bit at that thought… because he has a tendency to drive the ugliest little piece of crap cars and then have minor fender benders in them so that they’re all banged up as well. I guess beggars can’t be choosers tho and I’d really rather not be stuck completely.

Sorry this is such a downer of a post- I feel like I’m lacking something important in my life right now but I can’t quite pinpoint what it is. Oh well I’m off to spread the joy somewhere else….

Well in my defense I’ve been kinda busy and going through some weird stuff. Nothing I can divulge here- too many ears (or would that be eyes) that might get offended.

The remainder of the trip to Michigan was where we left off I believe. It went well the whole thing from Missouri to Michigan only taking 15 hours instead of the 18 it took to go the other direction. Thank goodness for the GPS my father in law loaned me. I got to spend a bunch of time hanging out with my cousins while I was up there and that was a blast. Being in Michigan is almost like being home for me because throughout my life it has been the one constant for me. My dad got remarried and the house where I grew up is no longer the same. My mom moved more times than I feel like counting so that the place where she lives is no longer home to me. But my grandparent’s house still looks the same, smells the same, has the same furniture, and walking through the door is like walking back in time to my childhood. But sadly the place was never built to be a permanent residence- more like a weekend retreat- and years of abuse by us grand kids (we were tough on the place) and an increasing inability for my aging grandparent’s to keep up with the place (that has stairs and 20 acres) has  reached the point where it probably isn’t fit to live in. My poor aunt has been working to get them to an assisted living facility near her and things are finally moving in that direction. My grampa wants out of the country- he’s tired and its hard for him to keep up with everything that needs to be done that my gramma can’t do anymore. My gramma on the other hand isn’t quite in touch with reality anymore. She has convinced herself that this is all just a phase that will pass and then she’ll be back to her old self. But the truth is she’s on the edges of dementia be having cataract surgery in September, (the excuse for the move to assisted living for now) and above all that, she’s 82 years old. So this trip had some very bittersweet moments for me. I got to spend quite a bit of time getting to know my cousins in their own rights as adults and had a chance to update the memories of all of us spending summer days running free through the pines on my grandparent’s property. I learned that the two other granddaughters and I share many of the same likes, dislikes, and random personality traits and its wonderful to know that I’m not alone out there. Our lives have shared some very odd parallels at times that I have only recently discovered but they are things that have shaped us into the women we’ve become.

Returning home was the hardest part of all. I was so happy to see Jarell and my home, my dogs, my fish (yes a few of them are still around) and even my sorely neglected garden but it was so hard to leave the family that I’ve only started to get to know. I’m alternately homesick and ecstatic to be where my husband is because no place is truly home without him. I have friends here too that thanks to Facebook I’m reconnecting with and for that I am so thankful because I realized when I got home how truly lonely I’ve been. I get along with Jarell’s family most of the time (altho currently I think they’re mad at me because I exploded about some stuff at home) but my friends who knew before I became Melissa Sisk are a treasure. They knew me when I was more carefree before I had to grow up and be responsible and when I talk to them I am able to reclaim some of that youth. Now before any of you comment on my age I know I’m not very old but I feel ancient in my soul and its dragging me down. If you’re only as old as you feel then I’m 70 years old with my worries about money, family, and life in general. Middle aged at 23 and not sure how to go about being young again because I’m not sure I ever was. I know theres a difference between being responsible and feeling old but I’m not sure what it is. So for now I’m going to do my best to keep in touch with my youth and hope that something changes soon.

The other big change in my life came only yesterday. This may seem silly to some of you (well okay most of you) but it makes me sad. I’m a mechanic’s daughter and as such grew up loving a good car. When I bought my first vehicle (an 87 Toyota truck) it was love at first sight. It reminded me of the truck my dad had when I was little (his was an 85 so the body was a little different but very similar in many ways) and even tho it was more than I had initially planned to spend I bought the truck after the dealer agreed to replace the radiator. I learned to drive in that truck and it got me to and from work and then helped me move back to Missouri when I came home. We made an unplanned stop in Denver and got the oil changed which proved to be a mistake as we barely arrived in Missouri but it got us there. It cracked the head however and so my dad replaced the engine. The truck was running and driving great again and got me where I needed to go with no complaints. Its overdrive was…. quirky and so we had that repaired. Then it needed the starter motor replaced (I called that one but no one believed me till it went out). Finally last summer it was sluggish. It would start and then die when I put it in gear. But only when I drove it. On the rare occasions that Jarell or my dad drove it, it put on a brave face and ran like a dream but I knew it was sick. Then one day, as I hopped in it to run up to the mailbox, it started smoking like a chimney- billowing clouds of yellow smoke. I drove the hundred feet back down to the house and shut off the engine. My dad asked me to restart it to see what the smoke smelled like but it wouldn’t even turn over. Ever since then it has sat with promises of getting it fixed. The problem has been that either we didn’t have the money or my dad didn’t have the time- we’ve never managed to line the two up together. So yesterday after a great deal of thought I decided that we should put it up for sale as is so that someone else can get a decent vehicle with some work put into it. We’ll probably get less than a 10th of what we have in it and I can’t even say that I’ve gotten my money’s worth because I’ve owned it for 4 years but only actually driven it for about 1 year and a half out of that time due to one thing or another. So its a sad deal all around. But as soon as I can get Craigslist to function properly I’m listing it there and it will move to sit at the front of our property. I won’t be surprised if it sells because it has had offers made on it even when not running due to its extra long bed and being an automatic. But I’m sad. Its going to be like losing a friend when we sell my little truck.

Driving through the little town of Kankakee IL you see some strange things. This is a town thats obviously been hard hit by the times altho judging by the looks of things it was probably dying before the economy went to hell in a handbasket so to speak. The long closed gas station with $1.05 as its last price is a good indicator that this town has been dying for a decade at least. The new Wal Mart on the Highway alongside shiny new gas stations with pay at the pump, a combination KFC and Taco Bell and the requisite McDonald’s all speak of a civilization moving faster and faster away from the small town life. In fact judging by the local’s attire and mannerisms the only thing keeping this town alive is the community college at the center of it all. That or Bikini Night on Saturday’s at the local bar.

As we drove into the town away from all the new, my hopes for finding a decent place to stay that wasn’t an extra 10 miles out of our way faltered. We came upon the Economy Inn with its Dine in- Carry out “restaurant” just when I had given up hope. Altho it was obviously from another place in time (still utilizing real metal keys to lock the doors!) it met the requirements of a clean non-smoking room with double beds near a decent restaurant (best food this side of Chicago according to the night clerk). We paid the amazingly low fee and set off to dine at that aforementioned eaterie.

The restaurant was a blast from the past with a much autographed page celebrating 100 years of business from three years ago. The interior decorating can only be described as 70’s kitsch with a few small attempts at modernization. It boasts a sunken eating area around a large fireplace, copper coated table tops imprinted with “leaf” skeletons, and a wide variety of food for a not terrible price. Our meals ordered I sat back to laugh (inwardly only) at the tipsy middle aged women at the table next to us who were celebrating a birthday in style.

Our food when it arrived was plentiful and decent- nothing spectacular to write home about but not the worst food in the world. While my grandparents finished eating I wandered around taking pictures to share with my husband when I return home (I’ll share them with you too of course). The place had a unique charm to it despite (or maybe because of ) the vintage feel to it.

When we arrived back at the hotel the reality the place began to sink in. The beds were full sized which was fine for me but a bit snug for my poor grandparents. The bathroom was clean but… worn. Upon awakening this morning I was thankful that my gramma had packed shampoo because this hotel room boasted only one bar of soap and not single bottle of shampoo in sight. The towels provided would (draped lengthwise) cover my front, or my back, or half of each but not all of the above- forget wrapping them around if that had been a necessity because they would have only covered a top or bottom without using more than one. Now as I sit here waiting on my grandparents and running down the battery on my trusty laptop I think to myself- $70 isn’t such a bad price for a hotel room but $45 is just too cheap. Gah!

Well I’ve survived so far folks. On Sunday I’ll head back to Michigan with my grandparents and then spend a little time with my cousins (Woo Hoo!) and then its back home to the crazy life for me. Still a lot to do for the anniversary party at the end of the month but I did get the invites finished. Its not much and we’re almost out of time for that but its a start.

I got to hang out with an old friend from high school today which is one of the nicest treats I’ve had in a while altho there was a dark spot where I was concerned that someone will decide to start rumors just because my friend happens to be a guy. In case there was ever any doubt at all I tell Jarell everything- there are no secrets between us and I most certainly wouldn’t invite a friend over (male or female) and hide it from him. Good gosh!

Sorry now that thats out of my system. Back to our regular scheduled programing which is….. a whole lotta nothing. Pictures of the Michigan trip soon. Have fun folks!

Like big time. So when I said I would fly to Michigan tomorrow to drive my Grandparents down here and then in two weeks after driving back up there with them I’d fly home it was with no small amount of trepidation. My stomach is in knots and I’m trying my hardest not to think about it. For those of you who know me well enough to know that I spent 9 years flying back and forth between Missouri and California every summer to visit first my dad and then my mom this may come as something of a surprise to you. The truth is I didn’t used to be so scared. It wasn’t until I was 13 or so that it first started to make me nervouse and its only been within the last couple of years that its become something that will bring me to tears just thinking of it. Flying is not as dangerous as driving people say. You’re more likely to die in a car crash than a plane. Thats what they tell you. But they probably never think about the fact that there are a hell of a lot more people driving than there are flying so those are really poorly thought out statistics. And besides that, who cares? It doesn’t make me any less scared. This is a phobia and its really hard to get around phobias. But I won’t let my fears manage me.

So I’ll take my laptop and my book and an embroidery project. Things to keep my mind busy. Things to help me avoid thinking of what could go wrong and instead think of being back in Michigan again- one of my favorite places to be. I wish Jarell were going with me- that would make it so much easier. Being separated from him is probably the hardest part of this whole trip. I need good thoughts from all my friends out there to send me on my way and bring me back home safely.

Melissa

So today is Dana’s birthday and she had one simple little request. She wanted some linky love- not a big thing to ask for so I’m doing just that. I also thought that since I haven’t gotten around to making her a card (mostly because I just feel that cards are not my forte and quite frankly if cards are not your forte you shouldn’t send one to the queen of cards) I would make her a collage. But I couldn’t come up with a subject and being the procrastinator that I am I was short on time. And so I decided to just share one of my favorite shots of Dana.

Looks pretty good for her age doesn’t she?