Blech

I don’t have much to say today due to a night of intense nausea that has thoughtfully continued into the morning. I gave up on sleep a while ago and have been scrolling around on other people’s blogs trying to ignore the sickness feeling. For any of my former Wal Mart compatriots, according to the last test I took, no I’m not pregnant. I have just been having bouts of sick off and on ever since we came home from Mexico. Go to the doctor and have that checked out you say? Well sure why not? Oh wait— not health insurance Thats why not. Ah well not much to be done then except drink copious amounts of anti-nausea goop. The strangely best tasting medicine I’ve ever had to take probably because its made with two kinds of sugar. I stumbled across one that has a challenge to lose weight and seeing as how I’m quite a bit fluffier than I was in my glory days of High School, I think I shall have to try it. I totally dig smoothies and if you do too, check out Pancakes and French Fries blog for the recipes and some bonus cute kid pics. Aside from all of this, here’s what I stopped by to show you guys. My friend posted this on a myspace bulletin and I couldn’t resist snapping it up to share here. I made me laugh a lot until my stomach rebelled at so much shaking and then I had to content myself with grinning some.
Happy reading.

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.Dear Mr.Thatcher,I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic.I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16in my pants.Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now.As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body.Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call’an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customersmonthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’.Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women.In fact, only last week, my friendJennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by a bunch of drunken chimps,Crazy!The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’Are you f**king kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unlessyou’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere.And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that’s a promise I will keep.Always.Best,Wendi AaronsAustin , TX

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Blech

  1. It sounds like you are suffering from turista. Just as many people get digestive upsets when they go to Mexico, travelling the other direction is also likely to make you sick until your system adjusts to the different bugs that we have.

  2. Yeah I thought about that. I’ve been back for about 4 months now, but some days just aren’t good. C’est la vie.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s