Further Commentary on Always

So I was happily reading my new BHG magazine the other day (the first of a three year subscription for $2o Awesome) and all of a sudden I come across an ad for none other than Always new overnight something or others. So of course I look for their slogan and lo and behold it says in plain print– have a happy period. Now some of you might say these are just well wishes and your periods really aren’t that bad or better yet, you don’t have to deal with that any more. I have heard often that menopause sucks and believe me I’m totally not ready for it yet, but periods are no cake walk. I have the bad ones where I bleed profusely with no pain and the bad ones where I stay curled in a fetal position with little bleeding. Yes this is TMI but it has a point. I also have the rare just annoying one where I am simply bitchy, bloated, tired, hungry, emotional, and in general a wreck. That was what the most recent one was like when I sent my MIL a how I really feel about her text that still hasn’t blown over and for those of you who have used your monthly visitor as an excuse to tell someone what you really truly think of them with no remorse afterwards, that was what I did. So naturally when I saw the ad I laughed out loud and ripped it right out of my brand new magazine. I carried it back to my craft room and left it there to think about what it had done till I was ready to decide what to do with it. I was back there last night at 11:30 ish unable to sleep when I remembered the vintage science book I had dismantled a couple of weeks ago. I dug through the pages a bit and Eureka! There was a diagram for a flower. Flowers over the ages have often been used as a symbol of all things female and this struck me as particularly appropriate. The result?

Why this of course

Have a happy evening folks

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Blech

I don’t have much to say today due to a night of intense nausea that has thoughtfully continued into the morning. I gave up on sleep a while ago and have been scrolling around on other people’s blogs trying to ignore the sickness feeling. For any of my former Wal Mart compatriots, according to the last test I took, no I’m not pregnant. I have just been having bouts of sick off and on ever since we came home from Mexico. Go to the doctor and have that checked out you say? Well sure why not? Oh wait— not health insurance Thats why not. Ah well not much to be done then except drink copious amounts of anti-nausea goop. The strangely best tasting medicine I’ve ever had to take probably because its made with two kinds of sugar. I stumbled across one that has a challenge to lose weight and seeing as how I’m quite a bit fluffier than I was in my glory days of High School, I think I shall have to try it. I totally dig smoothies and if you do too, check out Pancakes and French Fries blog for the recipes and some bonus cute kid pics. Aside from all of this, here’s what I stopped by to show you guys. My friend posted this on a myspace bulletin and I couldn’t resist snapping it up to share here. I made me laugh a lot until my stomach rebelled at so much shaking and then I had to content myself with grinning some.
Happy reading.

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.Dear Mr.Thatcher,I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic.I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16in my pants.Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now.As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body.Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call’an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customersmonthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’.Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women.In fact, only last week, my friendJennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by a bunch of drunken chimps,Crazy!The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’Are you f**king kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unlessyou’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere.And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that’s a promise I will keep.Always.Best,Wendi AaronsAustin , TX