Thought I’d drop by and say hi

I had a whole long post written and it disappeared into the ether so I’m just going to say that I lost my aunt over the weekend. I miss her already but I know she’s in a better place now. She lost her battle with cancer. Or maybe she finally won in the only way she could- she’s at peace now. Its the rest of us left behind who have lost someone dear to us but I like to think we’ve only lost contact for the time being. I know I’ll see her someday and that she and my other aunt and gramma are up there watching over us right now. I wish I had gotten a chance to say goodbye. I let fear hold me back. A good friend told me to ask her if she’d had a good life and I would like to believe the answer was yes. I know the part she played my life was good and I will miss her.

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 Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
                                                                                                                                                                                         

          -Mary Frye 1932

In Remembrance

6 years ago give or take a few days, my aunt Marti lost the battle with cancer that had been raging in her body for just a short year and a half. She found out about it in early 2001 about a week before her mother’s death. The cancer was removed, but somehow it snuck past the doctors and moved into her brain and set up camp there in an area where its malignant tumors were inoperable. So my aunt who had always been active and kind of an angel to everyone was confined to her bed. When her hair fell out, her husband shaved his head so they could have the same hair cut. He kept her laughing and for that we were grateful. My mom and I went and spent a long weekend with her in June of 2002 singing and joking about old times. She was my mom’s little sister and since they were only about 2 years apart, they were pretty close. The youngest of 8 they tended to stick together as they became adults. When I was growing up there were two aunts who had made the move here to Missouri and Marti was one of them. She taught me to make pillows for my Barbies and had the most awesome Super Mario games for the Nintendo. She let me turn her swingset slide into a water slide and put up with countless hours Carmen SanDiego on the computer. She was the aunt that I only hope to be and tho she never had any children, (her first husband convinced her to get a hysterectomy at a very young age) she was wonderful with us. We stayed with her when my mom had a nervous breakdown and she made it less scary that my mom was in the hospital for two weeks. When she died there was a service held in Osage Beach where she had lived, but a couple weeks later there was another one held for all the family in California in one of the towns where she and my mom grew up. I was out there visiting my mom and so I went. My mom had written a song for her and we sang it at the memorial. Then my aunt’s ashes were scattered over the Pacific Ocean at Pacific Grove. It was a rough couple of days where I tried to be happy that she wasn’t hurting any more but was home with her lord. At 16 thats hard. At 22 I miss her more than ever and I know my mom does too. What I took away from this tho was to love those who are still around as if tomorrow might not get here. Lives are often cut short well before we’re ready to let someone go so I try to make the best of the time I have. I know this post rambles and is long, but its hard to stop the memories.

Light a Candle by Frieda Bacon

Light a candle to remember me 

No more sorrow

All is as it should be

Open your eyes

Open your eyes

I am living on in the skies

Light a candle to remember me

Stand and bear witness

Love is my legacy

Open your arms

Open your arms

I am living on in your hearts

Oh how lovely to be with you here

My sweet reunion

All my loved ones are near

Look to the flame

Look to the flame

I am dancing on just the same

Look to the flame

Look to the flame

I am dancing on just the same