Tag Archives: unnamed messes

Aug 14

How not to make croissants

Or Wow you really ARE dumber than you look

Step 1: gather 6 or 7 different recipes from the internet to go through for the easiest one to make. Paste them all to a word document and print. Mix the pages up a bit so that no two are in the right order. Insure before printing that each recipe is long enough to require space on more than one page so as to make the mix up even better.

Step 2: Attempt to sort pages into correct order. Begin making a recipe. Realize that you don’t have evaporated milk. Resort pages into correct order. Look for another recipe that calls for similar ingredients. Decide that you’re going to mix and match as you go.

Step 3: Add only half the amount of butter called for because really, who needs 1 1/4 cups of butter in their diet even if its only light margarine. Start adding ingredients at random and then read the recipe. Realize you’ve royally screwed up and decide to have fun with it. Mix everything in and stick bowl in the fridge according to half of the recipes.

Step 4: Ignore the part where the recipes say to leave the dough in the fridge for 4 hours to overnight- you  want these now not next Tuesday. Make nifty triangle shapes on the cookie sheet from the gooey dough mess and heat the oven to the recommended temperature. Cook for the minimum time suggested. Check and see that they’re still gooey. Add 10 minutes. Add 5 more minutes. Remove from oven and taste test. Definitely not croissants. More like a dough-ey biscuit or scone.

Say to yourself, “Oh well- they’ll still taste good with that gravy”

Recipe for I can’t believe their not croissants

  • 5 cups flour
  • 1/3 cup sugar
  • 3/4 milk
  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 packet yeast
  • 4 tbsp powdered milk
  • 1 cup warm water
  • 1 egg beaten with 2 tsp water

Mix the yeast into the warm water. Mix everything else except the butter in a large mixing bowl. Add the yeast and water mixture. Heat the butter till soft and add. Mix well. Put in the fridge for an hour or so. Make triangles the size of the palm of your hand and bake at 350 till golden brown on top about 25 minutes. They’re on the sweeter side, but not horribly so.