Soothing shades

I don’t have much to say this evening. I’m grumpy and pms-y (that’s a word now. Oh you think its not? Really? Well my angry face says it is now so deal with it!) Sorry I get these days every three or four months where the demons all rise to the top of the tank and I want to go ape-shit on the chick at Taco Bell who says “We don’t have Brisk Ice tea…” Dumbass its on your fountain and its Raspberry and I can see it! Don’t make me come in there!

Tonight’s post is not my usual sweet domesticity or slightly sappy or whatever the hell I normally do its pissy Missy and that’s not always a good thing. So in order to soften the blows of my bitchy words I’m putting in random ass pictures that have NOTHING to do with what I’m typing. Like the cuteness that is my almost 12 week old Miss Chicken up there. Her sister will be here at some point too.

I’m taking a drawing class for my photography degree. (bet y’all forgot about that mess, huh?) Well I am and it is driving me batty! I am a so-so artist. I have little patience for the teeny details that make true art instead opting for quick sketches that bare a modicum of likeness to the original subject. I’m okay with it because I know that if I could do better if I really really cared- I know how and I have before- I just don’t care that much. So this class and being graded on my not caring is suck-tastic. I was doing okay til it came time to do a color saturated black and white still life. “the hell??” you ask. Yeah I had to a black and white still life of a very color saturated subject. So I fudged it a bit. Set up the still life, took pictures like we were supposed to, used my handy-dandy Picasa and drew from a black and white picture. And it looks like sh*t.

Don’t believe me? Here see for yourself:

Yuck…. Not even something I’m remotely proud of. Did I mention we had to use charcoal? Yeah I don’t like charcoal much….

Time for another happy shot now… If only I drank I’d be taking shots til I was silly because its seriously one of those days. Like… right about now…. a root canal sounds great because for the one I had a week ago they gave me good drugs- Nitrous and numbing stuff so I was floating in a happy place listening to Norah Jones while they drilled holes in my teeth.

Top off this week with a guy who is a very good friend of mine. He has feelings for me and is also due to be engaged… at some point when he gets the guts to ask her. (Long story short- he had a different fiance who let him pay for her school and then dumped him is now married and has a kid in less time than it takes to say ‘what a bitch’ and it is my belief that he is using his feelings for me (that are left over from being starcrossed lovers so-to-speak in high school) as an excuse to not get hurt again. Actually that’s not just my opinion- we talked about it.) This friend has fits of guilt over his feelings for me and will sporadically tell me it would be better if he didn’t see me because he’s being emotionally unfaithful to his girlfriend. In the end this means a couple weeks of non-communication before returning to hanging out and talking, and I totally understand, but it sucks balls going through this every few months and today was the start of another cycle. We were going to hang out and then its “We shouldn’t see each other” Uh hello? We’re friends and we can BE friends even if you do have feelings for me. Should I get rid of him? Maybe, but when it comes to having someone close and available that I can talk to and laugh with who isn’t somehow involved with my husband’s family, I refuse to cut myself off. Because he’s the one live -in-person friend I have right now and I need that desperately.

So I continue with the insanity. And having gotten this all out on paper so-to-speak makes me feel a little bit better. Either that or the chocolate is kicking in. Thanks for listening guys.

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