39 almost 40 weeks

My post for 38 weeks is still sitting in the draft folder and there it shall probably remain. Why? Because I don’t like posting things once they’re no longer relevant and it no longer is since I only have 3 days til my due date. And because there is a good chance I’m already in early labor. There is of course the chance that it is more of my body just adjusting, but my midwife thinks it might be soon. I’m so excited, but don’t want to tell anyone I know because I’m fighting to avoid that watched pot feeling. So if you read this and you actually know me, please don’t say anything to anyone else and please for the love of all that is holy, don’t ask me if I’ve ‘had that baby yet’ or any other variation of that sentence. If you do, my response will be based on how I’m feeling at the moment, and I can’t promise it will be polite.

That disclaimer done, I’m really over the moon about the whole finally getting to meet our daughter thing and so is Jarell. That wonderful man is sticking close to home, but today the waiting proved too much so he’s working at the shop since we could use some income (no paternity leave for the self-employed) this week for the usual basics. I’ve been trying to get the nursery (formerly the craft room) cleaned out the rest of the way so we can move the furniture out of our second living room and get some clothing organization going. Its hard to feel motivated to get it done since she’ll be sleeping in our room, but between the two of us we finally made some headway the last couple of days.

To sum up the pregnancy at this point, here’s where things stand right now (so I can remember them for next time around)

Weight gain: as of my last weigh in, I had gained a total of 3 pounds for this pregnancy- I lost a lot early on when I was so sick and was slow to gain anything back.

Appetite: Finally back in full force- I have been eating everything in sight and that reminds me- I’m hungry again! I’m back on a spicy foods kick and we ate at a local Thai restaurant 4 times last week.

Food aversions: I still don’t like eggs much, although if they have enough “stuff” in them I’m okay. My favorite egg dish right now is an Italian omelet from a little diner in a nearby town- it tastes like pizza and is sooooo good!

Sleep: I’m still getting some. The little one tends to sleep when I do which is wonderful. I’m having more and more hip and pelvic pain tho and that makes for some sleepless hours toward the end of the night.

Clothes: Still wearing most of my pre-pregnancy stuff with the occasional pair of maternity jeans (I own 2 pairs) or skirt (own 1). Mostly I’m taking a hair tie and looping it through my button hole on my jeans, but that isn’t necessary for all of them. I’m definitely going to need new clothes post pregnancy, but its because I’m going to need smaller- so weird, right?

TMI: You can totally skip this part- go ahead if you like. Milk (or actually colostrum) is coming in now and I can hand express a bit which is helping to alleviate my probably unfounded fears that I won’t be able to breastfeed. I’m also at a point where the leukorrhea is picking up which, along with the stronger contractions I’ve been having and some other changes in my body, points to impending labor being close.

All in all, I think we’re as ready as we’ll ever be so the little one is welcome to make her debut any time she chooses. I’m not trying to rush things, but I’m thinking positive thoughts and trying to stay relaxed and calm. And now, I’m hungry, as I mentioned above, so I’m going to go find something to make for dinner.

Whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on

Lots and lots happening in our household lately. I took some time and took pictures of baby things that either I or someone else has made for the little one

This lovely blanket was knitted by my cousin who has her own little one on the way just a few weeks after ours is due to arrive.

The jacket and hat were made by her mother

This blanket was made by my aunt- it is beautiful and so intricate

These next two were made by Jarell’s great-aunt. This little one will be her great great niece- how awesome is that?

I love the granny squares

Here’s the changing table all set up for the homebirth with blankets, towels, clothes, diapers, and a whole bunch more.

Close-up of a few of the newborn diapers I’ve made

One of the fleece skirty soakers complete with owl applique

Hand cut applique of the ninja turtle, Donatello because he was always my favorite

More diapers in one-size

And a few more soakers.

I’m excited to see all of this coming together at long last!

4 and a half weeks left

I can’t believe that’s all there is til my due date. I found out I was pregnant very early on- I was only about 2 weeks along from conception when I took the test- but of course they measure from the start of your last cycle so at this point, I have gone the same amount of time as I had left when I first found out. (That’s very confusing, but read it slowly and it will make sense I think).

I’m starting to get to a slightly panicky/ sad stage because the baby shower that was in the works never happened. My sister in laws and mother in law threw a wonderful little shower when we were down at the lake a couple of weeks back, but it doesn’t look like there will be a shower that includes my side of the family and my friends. I realize this is a sad statement on my own family that no one cared to do this for me, but I was under the impression that it was all taken care of- my sister in law and I had come up with a date and a theme, and she asked for my address list, but that was as far as it went. I guess this is where not having close friends outside of my husband’s family becomes a downside- no one to throw a baby shower for me. I know I shouldn’t complain, but I was looking forward to the fun of doing a girly shower with games and decorations and hoping (selfishly I know) that I might get a few more necessities checked off the list before I had to go buy stuff. I had so much fun with the registries- finding things that we needed and I loved- but I could have saved myself the trouble since no one remembered I was registered anywhere until it was too late.

I’m trying to be positive about all of this and remind myself that I have a ton of clothes now and a few blankets and things, but its hard when I keep thinking that that’s it- no furniture, no bath, no first aid items, none of the other things I would normally consider baby essentials except the diapers I’ve been making and a diaper cake worth of disposables. Money is tight right now- we’re just trying to pay off the last third of the midwife’s bill (and do it quickly since I totally spaced on the date we needed to have it paid by) so that doesn’t leave much for buying the glider I desperately want for rocking her to sleep in or the crib I would love to have for nap time (we plan to co-sleep and I know at first I’m probably going to be sleeping right along with her, but there will come a point when I can lay her down maybe and then where will I put her? Jarell will be sticking close to home starting tomorrow when he gets home from Iowa so the larger paychecks that we’ve been relying on to take care of extra expenses will be gone and we’ll be back to the just barely pay the bills type of paychecks.

I know things will work out- there are many people who get by with much much less- but its very hard not to be sad when someone asks me when the baby shower is and all I can say is there probably won’t be one.

Trying to get away from all this negativity, there are wonderful things happening too- I get to have Jarell home for the next  several weeks and that is beyond awesome. I told him I loved him so much I would go through being pregnant and giving birth if it meant keeping him close to me for that long ;). This job in Iowa has stretched out so long that I hardly remember what its like to have him home for long periods of time. He’s been home for more than a week at a time a few times, but always working long hard hours (except when he ended up in the hospital last August) that kept him gone almost as much as if he weren’t home at all. I’m thankful that he will be here close by for quite awhile to help me with the things that still need to be done like turning my craft room into a nursery and all the other heavy lifting that I haven’t really been able to do for the last couple of weeks. Most of all I’m thankful to have my partner and best friend home with me when I need him most for emotional support. Its hard only talking to him for 15 or 20 minutes, at most, 2 or 3 times a day. That’s often the only contact we have when he’s working like he is now and it makes me appreciate the time I do have with him so much more than I might otherwise.

This is getting long and pathetic so I’m going to quit while I’m not too far behind. I need to make a run to the store to buy more needles for my serger since I managed to snap the one that was on there and then I need to find some basic canning essentials because I picked 32 lbs of peaches yesterday with my mother in law and I need to do something with them ASAP.

30 weeks and counting down

Here it is- I’m at 30 weeks now which means that this is my last week with double digit weeks left til my due date. (I say this knowing full well that she may not/probably won’t join us on that date) I remember being just 10 weeks along- it was the end of December and it was when my morning sickness started. It was a rough rough week for me, but looking back, I am so thankful for all that has come before this because I know it was good training for that day that is fast approaching when I will be bringing her out into the world. The morning sickness lasted nearly to 5 months which was hard, but it has mostly gone away now aside from the occasional drop in to remind me that all is not normal in my brain and digestive system.

I am hoping that this 31st week of pregnancy will be memorable in that it will mean the final completion of this year long stint in Iowa for Jarell. He’s been working up there since last March and, aside from a brief hiatus in late summer last year when they ran a job in Kansas City, its been long weeks with him gone and short weekends with him home. There have been longer periods of time when they were back, but mostly they’ve been gone and as my due date approaches, I am getting more and more anxious to have him here, close, and ready at hand, should our daughter decide to make her appearance sooner than expected.

I’ve reached the point where working in the garden is uncomfortable, even tho I want to be out in it more than almost anything else, so today J11 and her boyfriend are coming over to help me get some much needed weeding done. While they work on the weeding end of things, I’m going to try and get some tomatoes transplanted that are currently growing too close together. Then everything is going to get a good dose of fertilizer because a lot of my plants are looking a bit yellow. I have already harvested my first batch of green beans for the year- tiny and incredibly tender, the lettuce is done for the season which means it will be coming out to make room for the tomatoes moving, the peas are just starting to put on pods (weird warm weather and a late planting), I’m harvesting small turnips and the last of the radishes and trying to figure out how best to preserve them. Its been a good year thus far for productivity. Maybe after the garden is weeded and cleaned up, I won’t feel so bad about sharing pictures with you- right now its a mess. 🙂

Drumroll please!!!

Ladies and …. well probably crickets, but maybe gentlemen or man! We have an announcement to make! It looks like Baby Sisk will be joining us on the pink team! That’s right folks, at the end of July, or more likely August knowing how these thins tend to go, we will be welcoming a baby girl into our family. We’re both very excited- my husband has been looking forward to an excuse to sit on the porch with his shotgun and now he’s ready to start practicing. Never mind that we don’t have a porch yet, the details will work themselves out as we go.

Sometimes it happens

I wander off unsupervised and forget to come back. Honestly its not a sometimes thing for me where this blog is concerned, its a most of the time thing. I have dozens of unfinished posts hanging out in my draft bin that either are no longer relevant (the most recent one was started the day I was officially 16 weeks pregnant…. 3 weeks ago) or I was passionate about something when I started, but got sidetracked and realized the fervor had worn off, or more often than not, I get started and then forget what I was going to write about and another half post goes into the post graveyard to die a slow and painless death.

Tomorrow, I will be 19 weeks pregnant. My pants are finally getting snug around the belly (thank goodness I have such a love of low-rise jeans!), the baby is VERY mobile, squirming around all over the place, making me giggle at the oddest of times. The new puppy is nearly 10 weeks old and litter box trained, making my life much easier. I’ve only got 3 days left of my current classes and then I move on to something new and hopefully a little easier on this pregnant mama. I have a new and greatly improved garden in the works.

My husband spent quite a bit of time yesterday driving back and forth between a neighbor’s farm about a mile and a half away in one of the big backhoes to bring me 2 year old horse manure that has been composted to the consistency of beautiful rich black dirt. (Hooray for awesome neighbors btw- this guy also gave us some firewood and disced our garden for us!) and I plan to get some of it spread out today so it can be tilled in this week if all goes well. We enlarged the garden from about 20 by 30 to 30 by 60 and 70 (one side is longer than the other) and I’m so excited about growing a much larger variety of veggies this year and hopefully preserving enough to keep us in local healthy food throughout the winter (I know- major undertaking for a gal who’s also preggers, but I’m motivated to take good care of this baby)

My husband is finally nearing the end of two jobs that have engulfed the last year of our lives, spending his weeks in Iowa far away from me and tho I am sad to see the better income come to an end, I’m so thankful that soon I will have him back home with me as I get further along in this pregnancy. Already things like severe round ligament pain have kept me laid up a bit when I really need to be getting things done or, worse had me out hobbling around in a lot of pain to take care of those things.

I’ve had good reason, with all these things going on, to have a hard time getting time to post, but I’ll try to make it back again a bit more often. For now tho, I’m going to get showered and dressed and go play in the garden now that the sun is coming out.

Fairytales

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in one. Honestly, as my pregnancy progresses, I realize that to many women out there, it probably seems that way, and I can see why they would think that. I’ve got the handsome prince, the life, the home, the animals *grins*, and even a less than pleasant stepmother. My prince slays each and every dragon that comes along without ever asking for anything in return which just makes me love him all the more. Our fairytale is modern tho. We had bad rentals, crummy jobs, lots of time with no money, disapproving mothers, and way too many siblings instead of evil queens or angry wizards to face. The trials were along these lines with a few curve balls like the prince constantly being out of town for work and a ghost from the princess’ past who wanted to replace the handsome prince and used all his wiles to seduce her away. They worked through all these things and were stronger for the battles they fought together.

Now we are expecting the successor to our throne- the first prince or princess of our very own and my handsome man has become even more amazing than ever. I’m talking working a full day, washing dishes on his lunch break, cooking dinner when he gets home, cleaning the house, sleeping on the couch with our new puppy (did I mention someone gave us a mastiff puppy?) last night so I could get a full night’s sleep for the first time this week. When I came out at 1 in the morning to find him asleep on the couch, puppy curled up on his chest and kissed him good night, his first words were, ‘hey beautiful’. I seriously don’t know how I could be more in love with this man, my sweet prince, and yet each day I find I am.

As Valentine’s day draws close and I think about all the traditional gifts women expect, I realize that this year, the only thing I want is more of this. More time with my husband, more time to be thankful for him, a way to give back to him and try to show him just how much he means to me. I’m ashamed to think of all the times I’ve been disappointed because he rarely buys me  flowers without hints and outright requests. My birthday is a hard one for him too because it falls exactly one week after Christmas when we’re broke and worn out from the other holidays. He never forgets it, but usually can’t make it to the store to get a present with all the other things he has to juggle. That really used to bother me, but when I stop and think about all the gifts he gives me each and every day of the year, I realize I’ve got the best present of all and I don’t have to wait til my birthday to open it. Coming home to a clean house after being sent to the fabric store to ‘buy something for myself’, his assistance in taking care of our animals without any complaints even when they’re just about the only responsibility I have any more. His wonderful understanding of my insanity as a hormonal pregnant woman and the way he caters to my every need. I couldn’t ask for more and I’m so thankful for everything I have.

I’m going to wrap this up now- the tears and snot are flowing freely because this is a very emotional subject for me, but I wanted to dedicate a special post to my wonderful man.

Today I cry a bit…

For a friend who I have not been as close to in recent years, but who, in the past, was one of my closest friends. I cry because I learned that the baby she and her husband were expecting was miscarried and as an expectant mother who’s deepest fear is just that, I can imagine (and only imagine) how horrible this loss must be for them both. I am praying for her and her little family and sending this song out to her.

 

11 Random Things

I was reading The Art of Darkness the other day and she had been tagged in one of those random memes that goes around. She invited whoever wanted to play along and since I had some time on my hands this morning (spent too much time praising the porcelain god and now I just feel like a dish rag that’s been wrung out) so I decided to join in the fun.

1. Post these rules
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
5. Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them
6. No stuff in the tagging section about you are tagged if you are reading this. You legitimately have to tag 11 people! (Yeah on this last one I’m cheating too)

So… 11 things

Following Cobweb’s lead, I met my husband when I was engaged to the bass player in his band. My now ex decided he was in love with first my now brother in law and then my husband, but since they didn’t swing that way, he suggested I date Jarell since he had a crush on me. The rest, as they say, is history.

I hate cleaning most rooms of the house, but a messy kitchen is enough to drive me to distraction and although I go to great lengths to avoid cleaning (surprisingly getting pregnant has worked the best) the kitchen is the one room that has to be neat for me to function in it. I haven’t been cooking much lately, so this obsession has fallen off a bit, but I still get in there and do dishes (a chore I hate) when they start to pile up, even though I risk spending more time huddled in a ball trying not to hurl from the smells that are multiplied 10-fold by pregnancy hormones.

I love taking my classes online, but I hate reading the textbook assignments. I can learn so much about the subject I’m studying by just searching reputable sources on the internet, and for some reason I’d rather do that. To date I’ve got a 3.67 GPA having barely cracked a book and I know for a fact that the C I got in Algebra would not have changed one bit if I had read that book.

I spent a lot of time alone as a child because we lived in the country and there weren’t many kids my own age around. Because of this, I learned to read early, and began what has become a lifelong love affair with books. I’ve always been smart, but I choose not to read books that are considered worthwhile. (the classics like Moby Dick and Pride and Prejudice) Instead I prefer to read romance novels, sci-fi and fantasy, and favorites from my teenage years. I have read Gone With the Wind several times, but prefer the sequel Scarlett. I also read Peyton Place at the age of 11 which got some raised eyebrows from our local librarian, but also earned me an adult library card so that I didn’t have to keep getting my mother’s permission to check out books from the adult section of the library.

I cannot remember a time in my life when I have not had a pet, and I am thankful for that. Whether the pet was a dog, a cat, a fish, a rat or even my goats, there have always been animals in my life and I believe I am a better person because of it.

If things go as planned, I will get to find out the gender of my baby on the 5th anniversary of my marriage to my wonderful husband and I’m even nerdy enough to be giddy over the fact that it will be a Wednesday- the same day it was when we got married.

Despite being 14 weeks pregnant, I’m at my lowest weight in 4 years (now sitting at 195 as of yesterday’s appointment) and I’m more than a little amused by this fact. I’m not losing a lot of weight, but I’m not gaining yet either and that feels funny to me.

I love music and will listen to it as often as possible, but when I don’t feel well, I inevitably get a song stuck in my head that actually makes the nausea worse than it would be without the song. This morning it was a song by Priscilla Ahn, but if I go look for the title, it will get stuck in my head again so it will have to remain a mystery. Something about not associating with fish for those of you who are actually curious.

I have 5 different tabs for my homepage on my internet- Yahoo, Facebook, Google Reader, my blog, and my school web page. This equally motivating, and a  recipe for sitting for hours catching up on everything I missed overnight when I first start my computer in the morning.

I always wanted to go on American Idol, but despite it being nearby at least 3 times that I’m aware of, I’ve never gotten the courage to try out.

I am deeply in love with the part of the country where I live despite the heat in the summer time. I also love NorCal where I grew up, and my deepest wish is that the two states were next to each other so I didn’t have to choose between the two because Missouri will always win. There is something about this place that holds me captive and I don’t mind one bit.

1. What is your favorite candy?      I like gummy bears and jelly beans, but candy and I don’t really talk much
2. What is your least favorite vegetable?  This one is hands down water chestnuts- their texture really bothers me
3. Do you play a musical instrument?  Several badly- the baritone, a bit of piano, dulcimer, harmonica, and several more. We’re a musical family.
4. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? I broke my toe once… knock on wood, I don’t get hurt much
5. What’s under your bed? A platform or a secret and well hidden entrance to Narnia’s neighboring world, Walmartia- where giant smiley faces knock things down all the time
6. If you could publish one book, what would it be about? Oh lord- I’d write stories about my cinema quality dreams that actually had a recognizable beginning, middle, and end. I have really good dreams, but I can never get all the details down before I forget.
7. Do you believe in ghosts? yes
8. What’s on your mouse pad? No mouse pad
9. What are you currently reading? What to Expect when You’re Expecting and The Girl of the Limberlost
10. If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? I’d become a famous photographer who didn’t have to search for clients, doing fun themed photo shoots
11. What’s your all-time favorite TV show? The Gilmore Girls as boring as that may be with the X-Files coming in a close second.

Back to school

The last 7 weeks has really flown by what with the holidays and the whole being pregnant thing. I’m so thankful to have been off for so long because I really needed the break, but now that my classes are scheduled to start back up on Monday I’m a little nervous. My two classes that I’m taking this session are Lighting, and Color Management. Both of these classes are photography classes in my major which should be exciting, but instead I’m a little worried. ‘Why worry,’ you might ask, ‘After all your supposed to be a photographer…’ But the problem is I haven’t taken a photography related class since July. Seriously- my last three courses were Art History, a web design class, and College Algebra. I’ve barely had time to pick up the camera (as evidenced by the lack of pictures lately) and somewhere along the way, this baby has stolen some basic camera knowledge from my brain. Add my lack of organization leading to one lens having gone AWOL on me and I’m a little worried about how I’ll fare in these to courses.

In all seriousness, school has taken a back burner to this baby I’m growing and I’m having a hard time taking interest in anything but that. Photography is my one true love (aside from my husband and baby) and even that is not enough to make me pick up the camera and take pictures right now. The weather is cold and gloomy, as I mentioned before my lens (my FAVORITE lens no less) has gone missing, and I just feel… blah. I’m loving lazing around the house where its warm and cozy and resting to my heart’s content. This new life inside me has taken precedence over everything else and its making some other things difficult. I’m hoping that with the transition to the second trimester, I will start to feel more energetic, but the reality is, I live in Missouri where gray is a standard color for the sky this time of year and gray makes me want to stay inside whether I’m pregnant or not.

I’m really struggling with this because along with grants, I am wracking up a sizable student loan debt with these classes and there’s no way I would want to quit at this point even if I didn’t have that looming over me. I’ve come so far to give up and be uninterested now, but I’m not sure how to get re-inspired. (or where to find my lost lens as I feel like that would make me feel a lot better and less panicked)