Thought I’d drop by and say hi

I had a whole long post written and it disappeared into the ether so I’m just going to say that I lost my aunt over the weekend. I miss her already but I know she’s in a better place now. She lost her battle with cancer. Or maybe she finally won in the only way she could- she’s at peace now. Its the rest of us left behind who have lost someone dear to us but I like to think we’ve only lost contact for the time being. I know I’ll see her someday and that she and my other aunt and gramma are up there watching over us right now. I wish I had gotten a chance to say goodbye. I let fear hold me back. A good friend told me to ask her if she’d had a good life and I would like to believe the answer was yes. I know the part she played my life was good and I will miss her.

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 Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
                                                                                                                                                                                         

          -Mary Frye 1932

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Lazy

I used to visit here daily to see how many views I had. I would chat and share my life with you all, but of late I’ve become lazy. Or busy depending on how you look at it. My mom flew in on Saturday and we’ve been having fun just hanging out, planning meals and expeditions. Its been 5 years since she’s been in Missouri and much longer than that even, since she was here for any sort of extended period of time. She just completed her move to Washington and as she is temporarily (by choice) unemployed she was able to come out here to spend some time with my brother and I as well as her other family that lives here in the “Promised Land” (according to the RLDS and COC churches).

We got to spend a very special day on Sunday with my cousins and aunt for my aunt’s 66th birthday. She is the one who has cancer and (hooray!!!) she’s now in remission and sporting a very lovely and flattering new wig. I’m so happy for her to have come this far. My cousins’ daughters and son were a joy to spend some time with and at the ages of 19, 17, 12, 11, 7, 6, and 5 they are varied but I had a blast getting to know them. The 11 year old (going on 20) was fascinated with my camera and took dozens of pictures that I will try to share at a future date- she has a wonderful eye for beautiful composition. Her bubbly and effervescent personality overwhelm me and shame me because she has what appear to be similar stomach problems to mine and instead of being sad and mopey about them (not that there’s anything wrong with that) she mentions them in an offhand fashion and then goes back to having fun.  The 7 year old is like a little china doll- so tiny you’re sure she’s going to break but with a huge enthusiasm for life. I was amazed with her running commentary that was so sweet and also very intelligent for one so young.

My cousins who were more like aunts to me when I was little (being only 8 and 10 years my mom’s juniors) were fun to get to know again on an adult’s footing. One loves gardening as much as I do and she and I and my other cousin’s husband talked extensively about our future garden plans for this year. I had to laugh from time to time tho at the glazed looks on my other cousin’s, my mom’s, and my aunt’s faces as they did not inherit the love of green and growing things and I learned that once you get a bunch of gardeners going theres no stopping them. *grins*

I will try and come back with more soon and I hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful spring that is slowly creeping across the land as winter finally retreats with its tail between its legs.

In Remembrance

6 years ago give or take a few days, my aunt Marti lost the battle with cancer that had been raging in her body for just a short year and a half. She found out about it in early 2001 about a week before her mother’s death. The cancer was removed, but somehow it snuck past the doctors and moved into her brain and set up camp there in an area where its malignant tumors were inoperable. So my aunt who had always been active and kind of an angel to everyone was confined to her bed. When her hair fell out, her husband shaved his head so they could have the same hair cut. He kept her laughing and for that we were grateful. My mom and I went and spent a long weekend with her in June of 2002 singing and joking about old times. She was my mom’s little sister and since they were only about 2 years apart, they were pretty close. The youngest of 8 they tended to stick together as they became adults. When I was growing up there were two aunts who had made the move here to Missouri and Marti was one of them. She taught me to make pillows for my Barbies and had the most awesome Super Mario games for the Nintendo. She let me turn her swingset slide into a water slide and put up with countless hours Carmen SanDiego on the computer. She was the aunt that I only hope to be and tho she never had any children, (her first husband convinced her to get a hysterectomy at a very young age) she was wonderful with us. We stayed with her when my mom had a nervous breakdown and she made it less scary that my mom was in the hospital for two weeks. When she died there was a service held in Osage Beach where she had lived, but a couple weeks later there was another one held for all the family in California in one of the towns where she and my mom grew up. I was out there visiting my mom and so I went. My mom had written a song for her and we sang it at the memorial. Then my aunt’s ashes were scattered over the Pacific Ocean at Pacific Grove. It was a rough couple of days where I tried to be happy that she wasn’t hurting any more but was home with her lord. At 16 thats hard. At 22 I miss her more than ever and I know my mom does too. What I took away from this tho was to love those who are still around as if tomorrow might not get here. Lives are often cut short well before we’re ready to let someone go so I try to make the best of the time I have. I know this post rambles and is long, but its hard to stop the memories.

Light a Candle by Frieda Bacon

Light a candle to remember me 

No more sorrow

All is as it should be

Open your eyes

Open your eyes

I am living on in the skies

Light a candle to remember me

Stand and bear witness

Love is my legacy

Open your arms

Open your arms

I am living on in your hearts

Oh how lovely to be with you here

My sweet reunion

All my loved ones are near

Look to the flame

Look to the flame

I am dancing on just the same

Look to the flame

Look to the flame

I am dancing on just the same